i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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