Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Hippo gnu deer
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
