someone owes me an orgasm
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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