can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
