..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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