Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
