A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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