She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
