When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
