alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
