i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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