1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
