I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
