I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
