I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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