Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
