On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
