At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
handjob tips. give me some.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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