ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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