Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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