Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
