I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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