Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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