Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have surprise drugs for everyone
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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