I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
