Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
