I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
