Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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