I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
