wrigley field is MILF paradise
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
