I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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