i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
