I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
