hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I party with great urgency now.
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