I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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