I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
