I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
