Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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