come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
