Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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