my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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