my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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