check it out our google latitudes are spooning
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
