it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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