she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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