I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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