I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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