tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
