I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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