i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
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Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He keeps bees of course he's weird
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You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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