Pants 0. Shit 1.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
