his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
