Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
