Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
