someone get that fucking seahorse.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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