Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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