I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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