one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You need a sexual gate keeper
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
