saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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