I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
