my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
