Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
