There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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