There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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