we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
