im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We need to get me chipped asap
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
