Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
