I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
