i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
