just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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