Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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