I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
