he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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