Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
