office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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