i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize