you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
