he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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